Loss.

       You never know when it's coming, it just sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Has it already happened? Don't you wish you would have had a warning? But don't worry, it wont last forever, it cant. That's what I've always been told. But it doesn't matter if it won't last forever, it's happening now, if you could jump into the future to when it's not happening I'm sure you would. But you cant. Because you're stuck in the pathetic present. Sometimes forced by your mind to relive to past, but never able to be in the future. So there is no point in mentioning how it 'wont last forever', because I promise you, in that moment, it feels like it will. 
       But they're right. It won't last forever. It will end, always. It may take a while, but the pain will fade. Then maybe you will get happy, maybe happier than you can ever remember yourself being. Be careful though, because before you can even blink you will lose everything again, everything will be gone. However, this time it will be worse, feel worse. The pain will last longer, this time, maybe you wont be able to see past this.
      But who knows really, maybe you wont get hurt, maybe you wont feel the pain and hopelessness that almost everyone else feels at least once in their life. Maybe you will be one of the people who get stuck in my life. One of the people who leave before they're left. You'll be that person that will be so missed that people cry themselves to sleep. But you wont do so much as remember their name once you're gone. Don't you think that could be worse? Hurting someone so bad that they can't see past it? They stop doing those cute little things they used to do. They stop smiling at old people, petting puppies, hugging people when needed. Because now they need hugs. They need YOUR hug. And you're gone, so they cant get that. 
     Do you ever think about what you've lost? How much you've lost? And each time it seems different, worse almost. Each time you think this was the last thing you'd ever want to lose, no thing, no person, could have ever meant more. But something will mean more, and you probably won't even realize it, until that's gone, too. 
    Maybe that's a good thing though, maybe the world is so twisted that the only reason you lose people is because you have people. Is you done have anyone, you cant lose anyone. Right? And it hurts to think, but you cant really help it, maybe that's why anyone, anything is put into your life, just so you can lose it and feel the pain of it get worse and worse everyday. 
    Did you lose something that could come back? Doesn't that feel so much worse? Waiting and waiting every day, every minute, every second that it would come back, but you never know if it will happen. I think that's the hardest, the wait. The wait for something you could never give up on, because even though the pain is so bad now, so horrible, you still know it would hurt so much worse to give up. To move on, and never know what could have been.