9-10-13

People keep telling me that it will get better, that I'll meet new people, make new friends. I could get close to new people, sure. But what would be the point in that? It would continue the on-going pattern of love and loss. It would make me the creator of this love and loss. Why would I get close to people just to lose more people? Just to hurt more? That's not going to happen again, I'm done letting that happen. I've been hit with so much pain lately that I cant handle anymore, not one more ounce of sadness. Everyone I know is gone, everyone left. I'm leaving in a year, I don't want to hurt people in the way that I'm hurting. I cant do that to people. Why would I inflict the same pain on others that I'm feeling? I would rather stay alone for another year than to hurt someone as bad as I'm hurting.